Answers to the questions you definitely asked: Week 3

Well, here we are. 2-0! How about that! Some other schools in the state can’t say the same, so let’s enjoy it before it inevitably evaporates. Just kidding. It won’t evaporate. IU football descent usually comes in the form of a radioactive fireball to the groin. But we aren’t there yet! For now, the Hoosiers are Indiana State Fair goers and losing is eating Oreos that aren’t double-fried in batter.

Being 2-0 doesn’t solve all of the problems, though. There are plenty of recurring questions about this team and their long-term prognosis. And guess what? You asked them! And I answered them for you. You’re welcome. Now, let’s get ready for Balls Tate.

Why didn’t you answer any of our questions the first two weeks? We had a lot of them!

There’s a simple answer to that - I forgot to publish the article before Florida International and I forgot to write the article for Virginia. I mirror my consistency after this football team, actually. I’ll try harder.

What would a 3-0 start mean for this team?

It would mean that getting the next three wins for a bowl game will be extra painful to watch. If you’ve ever played Grand Theft Auto and gotten into a police chase where your character gets 5 stars on the “how much trouble are you in” scale, you understand what the remaining 9 games will feel like. IU is on a flat stretch of road in virtual California, doing about 125mph on a crotch rocket. The road’s been pretty empty thus far, but there’s more traffic in-sight. Now they have to start dodging other cars at a very high rate of speed. The closer they get to 6 wins, the closer they also get to hitting the back of a station wagon and flying 593 feet into the air and either dying or getting arrested and having to wait to re-spawn.

Do you think Tom Allen should go to the Penix soon?

Here’s a thing that will probably get me removed from ever writing for this site ever again: I think they need to give Penix the redshirt. It’s not that he isn’t capable of giving this team another element. It’s not that he’s worse than Peyton Ramsey (he’s probably better, actually!). It’s that I don’t believe in messing with a good thing. And Ramsey is doing the job. Yes, his arm is unimpressive at best and headache-inducing at worst. But it’s not his job to minimize those shortcomings; it’s his offensive coordinator’s. And, I hate saying this almost as much as you’ll hate reading it, but Debord has kind of done an okay job with it. Ramsey isn’t going to wow you with his game, but that’s Debord’s offense in a nutshell. As long as he can turn and hand to the absolute lad, Stevie Scott, and get it in the vicinity of Donavan Hale, Nick Westbrook and the rest of his large-framed wideouts, they will continue to win games. Do not bookmark this article.

Ball State played pretty well against Notre Dame. Should we be worried?

I could go on a tangent about games in awful weather and how you can usually throw out the results from weekends where the weather sucked nationwide, but I won’t do that because IU won in the terrible weather and Ball State lost.

No. Do not worry.

What fictional football player could this Hoosiers team use most?

Cool question! I’ve been re-watching Friday Night Lights, so this can go several different ways. Smash Williams, Luke Cafferty, Tim Riggins, and Vince Howard are all solid options here. But, I’m going to totally disregard the “player” portion of this question and say Coach Eric Taylor. He would be a great offensive coordinator and then transition to the head coaching gig after Tom Allen inevitably gets tired of one of his assistants being way hotter than he is.

Did someone from this site actually say that Stevie Scott reminds him of Le’Veon Bell when he runs?

Yes. That someone was me. And I stand by it. Aside from currently getting the same paycheck as Bell, Scott seems to have modeled his style after Bell’s. In that, I don’t just mean “he sometimes hesitates at the line of scrimmage and then chooses a crease from there.” Scott does that on occasion, but I was referring more to the way Scott is able to change directions in traffic. He’s an extremely downhill runner (I know, running back buzzword), but not in a reckless way that ends up with a 5-yard gain instead of a potentially 10-15 yard gain. He gets to the second level and then finds a way to not only change direction after contact, but also fall forward when he gets tackled. When you combine both of these traits, you get a ton of extra yards that other backs aren’t able to get.

Do you guys really think Romeo Langford should come off the bench to start the season?

I think peanut butter sandwiches are better with bananas than they are with jelly, I think the badness of the How I Met Your Mother series finale was overblown, I think RPO’s are communism only when they’re run in Thursday night games on ESPN, I think the Oakland Raiders are going to win 3 games this season if they’re lucky, I think billionaires should pay for their own f**king football stadiums, I think Bryce Harper is going to sign with the Yankees, I think Starbucks’s coffee is served way too hot, and I think the idea that British people drink their beer at room temperature is a myth.

What was the question?

Do you have a quote that accurately sums up your thoughts on the season so far?

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” - Michael Scott