Big Ten hogs, ranked

Today, this is a thing on the internet.

Purdue, several years back prior to Darrell Hazell’s self-inflicted Scorched Earth Policy on football in West Lafayette, had a big inflatable hog (other acceptable terms: penis, phallus, dong, wang) with IU SUCKS written on it. Ahead of this weekend’s big time clash with Michigan at Ross Ade Stadium, Purdue fans are doing their best to bring it back. Arrrrrrrrriba! Viva inflatable hog!

Here at Crimson Quarry, we feel earlier tweets may have misled some with regard to our feelings toward the Purdue Hog, and we’d like to clarify those remarks. The Purdue Hog is good, it’s a good hog. There’s perhaps no better symbol for Purdue athletics than an unsightly (perhaps a bit floppy?) hog with IU SUCKS written on the side of it. Not only should it return, but it should be adopted by the school universally. It should be the new mascot. It should be enshrined in the Louvre for eternity, a 21st century piece of pop art, a social commentary of the Danny Hope era which shall not be forgotten.

We, say to you, Mitch Daniels. Bring back the Purdue Hog. Embrace the Purdue Hog. Love the Purdue Hog. And in honor of the Purdue hog, here are some Big Ten hogs, ranked.

1. Tailgate, serving smoked pork butt
2. Floyd of Rosedale
3. Ryan Mallett
4. Tailgate, serving bacon
5. Inflatable Purdue hog
6. Bret Bieliema
7. Administrators who won’t allow college athletes to be paid