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CHRISTMAS MAILBAG: Scott brother voodoo, aliens, chain restaurant rankings and more

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Let’s kill the last few hours before the game with some very important questions and very truthful answers.

NCAA Basketball: Indiana at Ohio State Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

This is the best time of year. Everyone is finally participating in the HOLIDAY SZN, even those crazy enough to forebear themselves through Thanksgiving are on board. The car commercials are coming fast and furious (if you have ever bought or received a brand new car for Christmas please email me immediately) and heavily-branded bowl games are firing up.

Also we’re all desperately trying to run out the clock at the office. There is nothing that can’t wait until 2018, right? “Urgent” is in the eye of the beholder and this beholder just ate a comically-sized lunch and is preparing to hibernate.

TO YOUR QUESTIONS.

This is always a complicated question that comes up when a role player has a good run of form. Do you expand their role and risk losing some of the magic? Or do you keep things the same and risk missing out on valuable contributions? Given that McBob’s game is largely fueled by what your dad would call GRITTY EFFORT PLAYS and HAVING THE WILL TO WIN, I’m hesitant to believe that’s scalable. I know we want to believe that players give 1000% effort 100% of the time but it’s a lot easier to OUT-EFFORT and OUT-GRIT an opponent when they’re on minute 37 and you’re on minute 15.

Prior to his 31 minute outburst in Saturday’s overtime win, he had averaged 13 minutes in the previous three games which is an amount I think is right for a high-effort, glue guy. He’s too limited on the offensive end (doesn’t shoot, turns it over a lot) to allocate too much more than that unless he’s demonstrably owning a Player of the Year candidate on the glass (sup Bonzie).

Indiana Kid vs. Indiana is extremely real but Scott’s run against the Hoosiers is even more inexplicable than that. It’s not as if he comes in as this unstoppable scoring threat (not that a 30-point outburst would surprise anyone) but the fact that seemingly every time his team needs to make a play, he’s the one that makes it. Whether it’s a 50/50 ball, a big shot, a crucial rebound or forcing a dagger turnover, it’s always him.

The answer is simple: he is some sort of wizard. He will resurface next year with some random team on Indiana’s schedule, maybe two of them, with no regard for eligibility limits. The only way to stop him is to bring him into the fold somehow. Indiana Head Coach Bryson Scott. Appeasement always works. NO ONE DISPUTES THIS.

I think he becomes CBB’s Jon Gruden. He’s going to take to TV and do a really good job with it, have zero reason to leave but we’ll hear his name for every job opening under the sun for the rest of forever.

Either that OR he starts a YouTube channel and companion Patreon account, getting in on that sweet, sweet Internet cash. TOM CREAN DIAGRAMS MOTION WEAK SETS [ASMR] You’ll never sleep better.

Whichever one has the most talented offspring that is also willing to play under their dad.

(Chris later clarified that this should be a ranking of restaurants where it’s <$15 per person)

This question was tailor made for the other Kyle, so I sent it to him. These are his top ten, with my commentary as appropriate.

  1. City BBQ (this is definitively #1)
  2. Burgerfuel
  3. Popeye’s (people will flip out but this is inarguably true)
  4. Chipotle (sorry, haters)
  5. Culver’s
  6. Steak’n’Shake (yeah he’s off the rails here)
  7. Pei Wei
  8. Wingstop
  9. Firehouse Subs (absolute travesty to have this here over Penn Station or Pita Pit)
  10. Noodles and Co.

Opie Taylor’s. Not close. Some folks are going to tell you Hinkle’s but if I wanted to pay cash to have a bunch of grumpy old dudes stare at me I’d just go to [JOKE REDACTED].

Sampson easily loses out first here. Bob Knight follows closely behind leaving us with the 1-on-1 grudge match we’ve always wanted (for the last six months) TOM v. ARCHIE.

I’m leaning Tom, the man is Bone Pit certified and has always thrived as an underdog. The man took his job, you don’t think he’s ready to open up a can? Please.

The second part of the question is why we no longer need to worry about the first part of the question. THE WORLD-ENDERS ARE HERE. WELCOME YOUR NEW OVERLORDS WITH CIVILITY AND GRACE OR PERISH IN THE FLAMES. THEY CARE NOT FOR YOUR CROOTIN’ RANKINGS, ALL MEATBAGS ARE SEEN AS EQUALLY INCONVENIENT IN THEIR EYES.