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Purdue Sports Anthems, ranked

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HERE IS TODAY’S EXTREMELY IMPORTANT JOURNALISM

NCAA Football: Purdue at Rutgers Dennis Schneidler-USA TODAY Sports

Purdue seems to burp out one or two of these every year, let’s rank the best ones.

5. LET’S PLAY FOOTBALL

I’m just not loving the effort here. The lyrics are mostly just recordings of Jeff Brohm blatantly ignoring concussion protocol and the video is a man stealing musical instruments away from a woman.

4. BOILER UP

Ostensibly an answer to Indiana’s “This is Indiana” student anthem and HEAVILY featuring Purdue Pete, this song just doesn’t do a whole lot for me. Production value is low, lyrics are worse, using the phrase “Boiler Up” should be should be considered a federal crime. I’m just not a huge fan.

They managed a star cameo with Robbie Hummel appearing and nodding his head along with the beat for about 4 seconds. Now he has to live with it for the rest of his life.

3. BOILERS DONT (sic) MESS

What makes this video particularly amazing is that the producer eventually adjusted the title to add (Comedic Purdue Rap Video) after getting dragged up and down the internet. Oddly enough, he didn’t bother to correct the spelling typo in the same title.

The iconic lyrics “Boilers don’t mess, Boilers don’t mess- look out March Madness ‘cause we’re coming at you next” pair WONDERFULLY with the fact that the 5-seeded Boilermakers were bounced out of the tournament by the 12-seeded University of Arkansas at Little Rock just one week after this video hit the internet.

2. YOU OUGHTA BE PROUD

This debuted in 2013 and the backlash was so swift and sudden that it was taken out within hours of being published. Unfortunately for them, but fortunately for us, nothing can ever be taken down from the internet.

Listen, this chorus is catchy even if it is auto-tuned to hell. The rapping in between is delightfully terrible and rolls more like a free form poetry slam, untethered by the binds of rhyme or beat. They also got Matt Painter to go along with it and appear during a verse discussing Purdue’s great defense. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Purdue basketball finished 70th in adjusted defensive efficiency that season, en route to being bounced out of the 2nd round the CBI by Santa Clara. The 2013 football Boilers went 1-11, surrendering 38 points per game, good for 114th out of 125 teams.)

1. PURDUE’S ALMA MATER

Listen, I’m a sucker for Alma Maters. Everyone links arms and sings while swaying back and forth after the game. It’s usually a song that’s hundreds of years old back when lyrics were always heavy and poetic. They’re somber and beautiful and I almost tear up when I hear it after a big win.

Purdue’s is a little different from what you normally hear, but it’s still wonderful.