clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Indiana is the national title favorite in "every goddang sport," according to poolside alumnus drinking a comically large piña colada

New, comments

With the release of the title odds for the 2016-17 college basketball season, one Indiana University alumnus has declared the Hoosiers the favorite in basketball and "any other sport [he] can think of, which would be several."

Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

The odds for the 2016-17 college basketball season haven't been out for very long, but that hasn't stopped one confident graduate of Indiana University currently on vacation in Las Vegas to declare that they don't matter.

"These odds are media narratives, you cannot trust them." exclaimed the young man between gulps of an alcoholic slushie to no one in particular. "Look at who the Hoosiers have coming back next year: at least two of those tall kids and I'm pretty sure Zeisloft is coming back, too. Like with a hardship waiver or something. Danny Green's kid will be here next year too. Splash brothers two-point-oh."

Taking things a step further, the increasingly belligerent vacationer said the Hoosiers should be favored in every sport.

"Football has a ton of momentum from the bowl game and Bama is going to be down this year. The whole SEC is vastly overrated this year, as usual." implying that these entities were all that stood in the Hoosiers path to college football's national title. "The women's basketball team is really good too. I bet they could beat the dudes straight up once or twice. What does that tell you?"

After a prolonged pause, in which the man-sized baby appeared to be straining to avoid vomiting, and a few deep breaths, he resumed.

"All those other sports: softball, baseball, field hockey, the Hoosiers are the best. Never daunted, cannot falter. I have it tattooed on my chest for a reason."

When asked what his reaction would be if any of Indiana's teams were to fail to win a national title, the now-collapsed-in-a-lounge-chair helpless moron had a clear cut plan to deal with the inability to meet his internal expectations.

"Well then we should fire Tom Crean."