WARNING: ARE YOU AN INDIANA FOOTBALL PLAYER? PLEASE LEAVE THIS PAGE. DON'T DO IT. GO. GO WATCH FILM ON WAKE FOREST, RUN SOME SPRINTS, DO FOOTBALL THINGS. WE'LL TALK NEXT WEEK. OK? OK.
Let's do this, college football.
Let's go full stupid.
No one wants to watch shouting pimple Brian Kelly and Notre Dame gain momentum toward a possible CFP bid by beating up on a not very good Clemson team in Death Valley. Clemson sucks. You've been there before. It's just as humid and terrible in early October as it is early September. While quite charming at times, Dabo Swinney is a emaciated swamp man that believes Twitter will only undermine serious football things. He doesn't want you there -- the road to the Belk Bowl is paved with solitude and focus.
No one wants to see Alabama-Georgia, either. It won't be a ratings draw -- by this time Finebaum callers will have banded into militias and taken Tuscaloosa by force. You'd be mistaken if you think the Great Phyllis of Mulga would allow television in the new city-state. You'll listen to the radio and eat your mayo with a spoon, just like Bear would've wanted, son. The live crowd will likely be light, too. We're running out of opportunities to use that standing 8:45 on Saturdays, but you might still attract a few late stragglers to see guest-picker Brian Harman.
We are one week and two wins away from top-ranked and undefeated Ohio State coming into Bloomington to take on
traditional football dumpster an undefeated, dormant powerhouse in Indiana. Here's why College GameDay should be there.
1. GameDay has, obviously, never been to Bloomington and the crowd won't know what to do with themselves
The Alabamas and Clemsons and Notre Dames and Georgias have done GameDay. It's a thing, and a cool thing, but not a life-altering thing. But in Bloomington? Ohhhhhhh, son. This is the equivalent to flying to Vegas on credit-card miles, winning 100 G's on penny slots, booking a penthouse suite, and not giving the slightest of damns what happens to said suite. Hey, grab that vase over there, let's run some crossing routes! Nice chandelier? Now it's a tire swing. Indiana football's gonna get drunk and not care if someone puts a beer bottle or two through that nice new flat-screen. If it works, great! If not, Cuban paid the deposit.
2. The signs and guest pickers would actually be good!
You know who isn't from Indiana? Brad Paisley. You know who lives just outside Bloomington? MELLENCAMP. There's other good options, too! Oladipo! Cody Zeller! MIKE JONES. Cuban could even announce his picks via Cyberdust, or WAIT:
YEAAAAAHHHHHHHH BRING BACK BOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBY
3. Indiana would be 60 minutes of weird football away from being NATIONAL TITLE CONTENDERS which is something you would not believe if you were not in attendance
Television is not something to be trusted. If we faked a moon landing, you best well believe we could figure out how to stage a college football game that reasonable minds would find to be farcical. But GameDay brings extra attention. You can't go Zapruder on all seven Cardale Jones interceptions if there's 57 HD cameras and a Tom Rinaldi tearjerker on each one. No, we want this day chronicled for future generations.
Let's be real. This man is about to ride off into the damn sunset. This is his moment. We'll throw a damn parade. Make it Corso day. If doing this for the good football loving people of this nation isn't enough for you, ESPN, do it for this man that has printed millions for you based on this one dang franchise.
So, Lee Fitting. Pick up the phone, give Fred Glass a call. Let's go full stupid on October 3.
College football deserves it.