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GET TO KNOW JOSH NEWKIRK WITH THE NATION'S TOP PITT BASKETBALL EXPERT

PITT BASKETBALL SHOUTING IS HERE TO YELL AT YOU ABOUT JOSH NEWKIRK

By Kyle Robbins and P.B.S.
Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

Indiana people don't really know Josh Newkirk yet, so we brought in some help. We asked PITT BASKETBALL SHOUTING of SBNation's Pitt blog Cardiac Hill some questions about him. He talks in all caps, because he's yelling at you, etc, etc. Follow him on Twitter here.

So, what is a Josh Newkirk?

THERE ARE ONLY THREE THINGS FOR SURE KNOWN ABOUT JOSH NEWKIRK. FIRST IS THAT HE IS FROM "ACC COUNTRY." SECOND IS THAT HE COMMITTED ON TWITTER. THIRD IS THAT HE IS VERY FAST. THESE ARE THE ONLY THREE THINGS COMMENTARY EVER SAID ABOUT HIM. I'M SURE Y'ALL HAVE EQUIVALENT PHENOMENA ON YOUR END. WE HAVE PLENTY: JAMES ROBINSON WENT TO DEMATHA CATHOLIC. STEVE ADAMS HAS LIKE THIRTY SIBLINGS. LAMAR PATTERSON HAS AN ALLIGATOR.

NONE OF YOU HAVE HEARD OF ANY OF THESE GUYS AND THAT'S OKAY.


Is it good at sports?

I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR US TO BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW, CERTAINLY!

Okay, but what about basketball?

LET ME DESCRIBE HIS CAREER TRAJECTORY FOR YOU THUSLY ---

IN 2013/14 HE WAS "FRESHMAN GOOD." YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS, RIGHT? LIKE NOT WORLD-BEATING, NOT EVEN STARTING, BUT THERE WAS ENOUGH THERE. HALFWAY THROUGH EVERY GAME HE FILLED UP HIS POWER METER AND USED HIS LIMIT BREAK, WHERE HE'D RUN THE LENGTH OF THE COURT IN THREE SECONDS AND GET A LAYUP BEFORE THE OTHER TEAM NOTICED. SO THAT WAS COOL. AND HEY, HE DID THIS! ALSO COOL. COOL AND GOOD.

"NUKE," AS I THINK I CALLED HIM ONCE, WAS SET UP TO BE OUR BACKUP PG/SIXTH MAN THIS PAST SEASON. AND IN THE EARLY GOINGS, ALTHOUGH OUR SEASON WAS CLOWN SHOES FROM LIKE THE THIRD GAME ON, HE WAS FINE. NOTSPECTACULAR, NOT HE TOOK THE NEXT STEP, HE WAS FINE. WE EVEN GAVE HIM A TROPHY FOR VALOR IN THE FACE OF UTTER DEFEAT THE WEEK WE PLAYED Y'ALL. HE GRABBED A STARTING SPOT AND LOST IT IMMEDIATELY.

AROUND THIS TIME HE FORGOT HOW TO PLAY BASKETBALL.

I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO PUT THIS. HE PLAYED BAD. HE DIDN'T GET LOST IN THE SHUFFLE, HE DIDN'T GET BENCHED. HE WAS BAD FROM FEBRUARY ON. HE HAD A GAME WHERE HE RACKED UP THREE TURNOVERS AND A PERSONAL FOUL. IN SIX MINUTES. AGAINST WAKE FOREST. LOOK AT HOW THIS SEASON REVIEW OF HIM STARTED:

"Stephen, what the heck happened to Josh Newkirk this season?"

MY GOD.

ALSO READ THAT ARTICLE. IT DOES A BETTER JOB OF THIS


Why'd he leave Pitt?

  • HE BUSTED HIS KNEES UP SOMEHOW AND IT SORT OF BEHOOVES HIM TO TAKE A YEAR OFF, BUT WE COULD'VE REDSHIRTED HIM. SO MAYBE
  • HE COULDN'T HACK IT
  • HE COULD HACK IT AND HE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO COMPETE WITH DAMON WILSON FOR THE SCANT MINUTES AT THE POINT THERE ARE BEHIND JAMES ROBINSON
  • JAMIE DIXON SOMEHOW INDUCES PLAYERS LEAVING, BECAUSE HOO BOY IT SURE HAPPENS A LOT LATELY
  • HE "WANTED TO BE CLOSER TO HIS FAMILY" LIKE HE SAID AND IS SIMPLY NOT A CLEVER MAN
  • HE KNEW THE IU OFFER WAS IN HIS BACK POCKET AND BAILED STRATEGICALLY
  • HE HAD AN OFFER TO ELON IN HIS BACK POCKET, BAILED FOR THAT, AND THEN TOM CREAN... UH. SOMEHOW TOM CREAN DECIDED IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA TO TAKE A FLYER ON THIS GUY WHILE HE WAS A FREE AGENT

I THINK THE MOST LIKELY EXPLANATION IS SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THESE FACTORS: HE DECIDED IT WOULD BE GOOD TO TRANSFER BACK TO THE SOUTH (HE'S FROM NORTH CAROLINA), SOMEHOW WOUND UP ON A VISIT TO BLOOMINGTON, AND JUST SHRUGGED AND SAID "YEAH, CLOSE ENOUGH."

What do you feed him?

I DUNNO, PROBABLY WHATEVER DOCTORS USUALLY RECOMMEND YOU EAT WHEN YOU SUCK.

Describe him with a bad and overused internet meme.

HE GOES VERY FAST AND IS DOING SOMETHING WRONG

Anything else?

I'M NOT GOING TO PARTICULARLY MISS HIM, THANKS FOR ASKING//ALSO REMIND ME TO ASK YOU ABOUT PURDUE IN LIKE FOUR MONTHS

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