B1G BOWL PROJECTIONS: POSTSEASONS ARE OVERRATED

Another soul-sucking dumpster fire interesting weekend of B1G football is in the books! Let's take a look at the CARNAGE REPORT.

• After a few shaking outings last weekend in the yearly, impromptu B1G-MAC challenge, the B1G boys rebounded and took two of three contests on Saturday. Michigan and Ohio State beat Miami (OH) and Kent State by an aggregate of 100-10 and the third game isn't really important because we won the series just like in baseball so stop talking to me.
• Iowa lost to in-state rival Iowa State thanks to Kirk Ferentz giving a guy two chances to kick a ball through a target. Kirk didn't NEED to be so gracious in giving a college kicker a calibration shot but he did. His generosity has not gone unnoticed on the Big Ten Moral Victory board.
• Illinois actually played a better game than the 44-19 score against Washington indicates. In fact, head coach Tim Beckman had an incredibly poignant quote that really put the game in perspective: "You take out the 21 points on three plays and we're in this football game." Which is technically correct and that's the best kind of correct so get out of Timmy B's face.
• If you take out all those points Bowling Green scored, Indiana would have win 42-0 and we'd all be feeling pretty happy about our football team so why don't you all back off a little bit.
• Purdue looked equal with Notre Dame for the first half and then spent the second half doing the opposite of that.
• Minnesota was pummeled by TCU and Maryland narrowly lost to WVU after being down 22 at home. Everyone said the Terrapins were a bad fit for the conference but they're fitting right in.
• The NEWLY ELIGIBLE FOR THE POSTSEASON Nittany Lions of Penn State edged by Rutgers in the first inter-conference matchup for the Big Ten. The entire New York market was crushed.
• Nebraska destroyed Fresno State. Maybe the B1G should tour the Mountain West in the OOC instead.
• Michigan State was idle. Great call, Sparty. See if you can remain idle for the balance of the season. Protect your heart.

B1G in the CFP?

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahablaaaaaaagh

B1G BOWL TEARS

Tier 1 (New Year's Day Worthy): Michigan State

Tier 2: Ohio State, Wisconsin, Nebraska

Tier 3: Michigan, Penn State

Tier 4: Iowa, Rutgers, Indiana

Won't Have to Lose a Bowl Game: Maryland, Minnesota, Illinois, Northwestern, Purdue.

I've left Indiana on the bottom of Tier 4 because this is a Hoosiers blog and hope springs eternal. I think the greatest representation of an Indiana football fan is when one uses the phrase "hope springs eternal" in reference to the Quick Lane Bowl in Detroit, Michigan on the day after Christmas. I disturbingly projected the Hoosiers to win eight games while sober, which means I still see six winnable games on the schedule. Of course, if IU can't close the deal on Bowling Green, it's tough to trust them in any spot. HOWEVER:

The Big Ten is soooooo bad.

Ain't no one know bad football like Hoosiers know bad football. If the Big Ten wants a race to the bottom, they'll get a race to the bottom, and bah gawd, we'll win it. There's a viable path for Warren Central High School to cobble together six wins in this beached whale of a conference, I'm not closing up shop yet.

AND NEITHER IS BANEFELD.

"Oh, you think the conference being bad is your ally, but you merely adopted being bad. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t see a win until I was already a man; by then, it was nothing to me but blinding!"

MICHIGAN STATE: At-Large Bid to the Cotton Bowl against Baylor

OHIO STATE: Capital One Bowl against LSU

WISCONSIN: Holiday Bowl against USC

NEBRASKA: Outback Bowl against Georgia

MICHIGAN: San Francisco Bowl against Arizona State

PENN STATE: Music City Bowl against Tennessee

IOWA: Pinstripe Bowl against Miami (FL)

RUTGERS: Heart of Dallas Bowl against Marshall

INDIANA: Quick Lane Bowl against Georgia Tech